Friday, 16 November 2007

One Week

one week...
not like i don't try...
i tried... trying...
but...
ok, i called, tried to call yesterday - twice
juz now -thrice or maybe more than that...
but, no respond..

i called him yesterday coz i wanna tell him that
finally, his card arrived!
oh God! thanks!
its a huge card!
no wonder it took more than a month
hahaha...
dabes raye baru dapat...
but that doesn't matter...

i was lying on the bed
when my sister streched her hand and pass it to me...
and i was like speechless!
and excited of coz...
dari ngantok teros tak...
nak bukak kad tangan menggigil...
then...

haiz...

the words...

i was too excited that i forgot that
we're no longer together
i juz grabbed my phone and called him
no answer...
wen i tried again then i remember that
why did i call him?
though i know he won't pick it up
isn't that hurt me more?
then why i did it?

i want to tell him that isn't it miracle
that everytime we sent cards for each other
the phrases, the words written
were always the answers that we're looking for....?

for example...

i wrote: this is our 4th hari raya together, rite?
he wrote: do u realize that this is our 4th hari raya together

i wrote: this year i can't get to do hari raya shopping with u, u can't choose my heels...
he wrote: i still remember we did our hari raya shopping together, i choose ur heels..

well, there's a lot...

but... i realized that, i can never share with him anymore...

i read and read the card again...
i can almost hear his voice reading the card for me...
tears rolling down my cheeks...
i hug the card tight...close my eyes...
remember the days and nites with him...
remember the smiles, laughters, tears...

i put the card back
scared it will get crumpled...
close my eyes try to sleep...
but i can't...


then today went sucks
i just can't talk, smile, respond to people...
i was in a daze all day...
i can't laugh at people jokes...
i even lose my appetite...
i juz eat for the sake of energy

and i feel sick, migraine struck, dizziness...
feel like to puke...
i juz want to delete everyone i met
and put it inside the recycle bin
at the mrt, interchange, everywhere
then delete it again
so that i can't restore them...

all i wish for rite now...
to talk to him
for one last time...

and also
i... i don't expext that i can get back to normal tomoro
i juz want to be able to hold on
i feel bad if the youths sense sumting
or afraid of me coz of my mood swings
i don't want to potray it
i'm not potraying it
i juz can't be myself...

God, please show me ways...
help me God...


01:08;

the MANAGER

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Qzai
26 july 1983
Singapore
q_bosan7@hotmail.com
www.friendster.com/qhuzaimah

::TaLL ::BoYIsh
::JokEr ::Hot-TemPeReD
::LauGh-Out-LouD ::FootBaLLer
::BaBiES-LovER ::AniMal-HaTeR

WINNING points




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::SiNcEre ::CooL ::JoKES
::ADiDas ::LivErPooL FC ::FooTBall
::MuSics ::MoVies ::DVDs
::SpiDerMAn::PuRpLE ::BabiEs/KiDs
::ShoEs ::BaGs ::JaCketS
::WinDoW ShoPPing ::EaT ::SleeP
::AvRiL LaVigne ::PeTerPan ::PCD

LOSING points




::LiaR LiaR LiaR!!!
::BaCk-StabbER
::CoNtRol FreAk
::GiRlZ wHo ChaSE GuYz
::CuTE-MaiNtaiN-PlaStic GiRlz
::SluT/BiTcH

the HISTORY






December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007


ACHIEVEMENTS




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::aDiDas OriGinAl Red ShOe
::ArMani PouR De FeMMe
::SonY ErriCson W810i
::SoNy VaiO L
::DRiviNg LiCenSe
::NeW WadRobe